When I Heard My Deceased Daughter's
Voice: The Profound Lesson She Shared
This story originally ran on LDS Living in September 2017.
The Lord has offered my family and me many tender mercies of
spiritual communication that not all people will receive. However, I also know
that the spirits of our loved ones are closer than we often times know, no
matter who we are.
In May of 2012, my daughter Holland was diagnosed with a brain
tumor, shortly after her third birthday. The 14 months that followed were a
roller coaster of hospital stays, brain surgeries, new diagnoses, chemo
treatments, and many trials of faith until she ultimately passed away in August
2013. Although this was easily the greatest trial our young family had ever
faced, the lessons we learned were irreplaceable and a new journey began for
our family.
Becoming Better After
Trials
We each face trials and difficulties in this life that will
overwhelm us at times. During those times, we need to remember that we can grow
from them. God allows bad things to happen to good people to make good people
great. Our trials or hardships are not because God is punishing us. The truth
is these hardships allow us to better trust in God and learn His will for us.
If we turn our will over to God we will become better through the trial. If we
do not we will become consumed by them.
We each have the choice to become bitter or better.
The simple difference in these two words is “I” and "be." If I focus
on how a trial will affect only me, then I will quickly find myself
bitter at the world and God for treating me so unfairly. But if I choose to
focus on what I can be as a result of this trial, I will find that I am
becoming better. We need to ask why God would have us go
through this and how we can help others. And that is how we can become better.
For our family, the question of “why?” has many answers. It has
allowed us to serve others and offer them comfort in their times of pain and
heartache. It has given us a greater love for our other children. It has
allowed us to feel the spiritual world around us. It has allowed us to trust in
Jesus Christ and more fully understand His Atonement. All of this can be summed
up in the fact that it has expanded our view of life, death, and the plan of
salvation.
Understanding Death in
Context
God does not view life as only our first breath to our last
breath. He views life as eternal. The plan of salvation has given us such
wonderful truths. One of the greatest truths is that life did not start when we
were born and it will not end when we die. Armed with this truth we can realize
that the Atonement overcame sin and death—meaning we don’t have to be afraid of
dying because Christ has already taken care of that and we don’t need to
be afraid of making mistakes because Christ has given us a way to take care of
that as well.
God does not send us death to punish us or to make us miserable.
Death is merely a transition from one state to another. God does not mourn our
physical deaths; in fact, He often rejoices when we enter back into His
presence. Grief is healthy, but when it consumes us it is often because we
don’t see life as God does.
The death of a child may be hard, but it is simply a transition
from one form of existence to another. If you are a parent of adult children,
think back to when those children were babies. Do you mourn the fact that they
are not babies anymore? No, of course not. You may miss the innocence and
adorable moments when they were small, but you are glad they are who they are
now. You are glad that they have grown and they have become something better
than they once were. I don’t mean to trivialize the death of a
child because I certainly know that it is one of the greatest
mortal trials we will be asked to face. The separation, grief, anger, confusion
and even guilt families experience is very real and meaningful. However, it’s
encouraging to know that the children we lost do continue to grow and learn in
the presence of the Lord.
With an eternal viewpoint, we can now look at our daughter and
rejoice in where she is now. She is where God needs her to be. Sure we miss who
she was; sure we miss our daily interactions with her; sure we miss the
memories we will never had the chance to make, but we are grateful for who she
is now—and that is something we can know because she has not left us
spiritually.
Feeling My Daughter Near
The day after my daughter’s death I was saying a prayer on my
parents’ front porch as the sun was rising. And in that moment of peace and
tranquility, I heard her voice—it was as close to audible as ever a spiritual
voice had been to me. I knew I was hearing it with my spiritual ears. She said
many things to me in that moment, but one lesson that has continued to remain
with me was the fact that she was with the Savior and if I wanted to visit her
I would need to go to the temple, not her grave. Her grave was simply the place
where her body laid in wait for the moment of resurrection. Her living essence
was now only in the spirit.
And from that day on I have attended the temple every week seeking
to hear her voice again. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. The Lord, in an
answer to a prayer, once told me that I would hear her voice when I needed it
not when I wanted it. Once, in a moment of desperation, I pleaded that I could
see her, feel her, truly hear her with my physical ears. The Lord’s response
has taught me a valuable lesson that has changed the way that I view the world
around us. He said, “You are a being of physical body and spiritual body. She
is only a being of spirit right now, and yet you wish that she would be more
like you. You have a spirit and she has a spirit; you need to learn to be more
like her.” I needed to use my spirit to communicate with her just as I always
had.
When a baby is first born, they have no way to verbally communicate
and yet a mother knows when they are hungry, wet, sad and happy. She can know
what that baby is feeling and thinking without it saying a word. The mother and
the baby have a spiritual connection that exists beyond the physical
relationship they share. Think also of a time where you and another person had
a deep spiritual conversation. You may have connected in a way that superseded
the words that you were using to communicate. That is because that spiritual
feeling of peace and comfort is your spirit communicating with their spirit.
The truth is we all engage in spiritual communication in this life, whether we
identify it as such or not. And when our loved ones die, that spiritual
connection only dies if we refuse to acknowledge it. Many times we are so
overcome with grief and pain we are numb to the spiritual communications they
are trying to make with us.
Misunderstanding the
Sealing Power
Many people often mistakenly think that the sealing to our loved
ones is payable upon resurrection, but the sealing power carries throughout
this life and into the next and all the spaces in between. This is true not
just of our loved ones in this life but of our ancestors as well. Each name on
a slip of paper we take to the temple is one more spirit we empower to help us
on this mortal journey.
President Ezra Taft Benson said: “Sometimes the veil between this
life and the life beyond becomes very thin. Our loved ones who have passed on
are not far from us” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1971, 18; or Ensign,
June 1971, 33). There is also the well-known quote from President Brigham Young
that taught us that the postmortal spirit world is on the earth, all around us
(see Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young [1997],
279). I have come to learn for myself that this is true. Not just with my
daughter, I felt the spiritual presence of grandparents, uncles, friends, other
relatives, and ancestors that have guided me through times of trials and joy.
I know that the Lord has offered my family and me many tender
mercies of spiritual communication that not all people will receive. However, I
also know that the spirits of our loved ones are closer than we often times
know. This is regardless of whether we acknowledge them or not. You may not
hear a spiritual voice as I have, but if you let go of your pain and grief and
focus on the will of the Lord and what He is trying to teach you, I know that
He will give you what you most need to be comforted and feel the love of the
spirits that are all around you.
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