The Comforting Revelation One Sister
Received in the Temple Following Her Son's Suicide
Nearly a decade ago, one Latter-day Saint sister endured the
unthinkable for a mother—the loss of her son to suicide. After years of
heartache and struggling with tremendous guilt, suffering, and "what
ifs," this sister found a sweet peace in the temple.
During a 2019 BYU Women's Conference keynote address, Sister
Rebecca M. Pinegar, assistant matron in the Provo temple, detailed this temple
worker's experience.
This sister's son was a gifted musician who graduated with a
degree in biomedical engineering, but since his teenage years he struggled with
depression. Sister Pinegar shares, "Ten years ago, he shared that he was
gay. In the course of his struggles, he had his name removed from the records
of the Church [and became estranged from his family]. . . . Eight and a half
years ago, this beautiful boy took his own life. My friend talked of her grief
and the years of tremendous guilt and suffering. Grief grows many 'what
ifs.'"
While grappling with these emotions, this sister had a tender
experience in the temple, allowing her to testify of the power we receive from
those on the other side of the veil. "While in the temple, she heard her
[deceased] mother tell her, 'I am taking care of him,'" Sister Pinegar
shares. She then related a letter from this brave mother:
"One of the great desires of my heart has always been that my
husband and I would someday have all of our children and their spouses in the
temple at the same time. And so, I began to pray that our son would do the
necessary things to qualify for baptism again. I prayed for years that I would
feel the promptings when it was time to have him re-baptized in the temple,
because I knew he needed time before he was ready to accept the ordinance. I
wanted to feel him there when it happened.
"Four years ago, I felt impressed to write to Salt Lake and
ask for permission to have our son re-baptized. I received a letter and a
temple ordinance card and kept it in a safe place for the special day. In
January of this year my prayers were answered when both my husband and I began
having promptings to go to the temple for our son.
The day of our son’s baptism was very special. . . . I had prayed
that I would feel my son’s presence and I did—in prayer meeting, at the font
and in the chapel awaiting confirmation. I know without a doubt that he
accepted these ordinances and is happy! I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father
for this blessing. I am also thankful that I have felt lifted and have a
lighter heart. I feel like the last vestiges of guilt and pain have been swept
away and I feel cleansed just as he is. I only have thoughts of love and
forgiveness and closeness towards my son. The healing that we can have because
of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real! He is there and will mend our broken
hearts."
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