A Mystery Message in
the Temple
By Barbra Toleafoa
It was a few days
before we found out that she had died …
A couple of days
before, everything was fine. My husband Leroy and I were sitting quietly in the
celestial room holding hands when both of us were suddenly filled with the
Spirit. We were happily looking forward to the arrival of our first child. I
had asked Leroy to pray for us because I was feeling quite emotional. I cannot
adequately express how strong the Spirit was during that sweet prayer.
At the conclusion, my
husband held me close and asked me if I had heard anything. I had not. I asked
what he meant; he said he’d heard a soft voice saying, “She loves you and she
misses you.”
Though we knew we had
felt the Spirit during that tender moment, we didn’t know what the message
meant. A few days later, I experienced incredible pain. We rushed to the
doctor. We were so scared. The doctor checked for our baby’s heartbeat . . .
but there was none.
Words cannot express
the agonizing pain we felt. We learned our baby had passed away a few days
earlier, around the time of our Spirit-filled experience in the temple.
Finally, we understood who ‘she’ was. Our precious unborn daughter was saying
goodbye.
The
effects of this experience weighed heavily in my heart. I felt lost,
discouraged and depressed. There were days when I simply did not want to see or
talk to anyone. I isolated myself. I pushed my husband and familyaway,
and I stopped going to work. I was angry that someone so precious had been
ripped from me, and many times I asked Heavenly Father why this had
happened—did He not love us?
The truth was I didn’t
want to know why we had to go through this trial. I was angry. Everyone around
me reached out to help me, but in my grief, I made it too hard for them and for
myself.
It was a long, hard
process to peace. But, over time the knowledge that families are forever gave
me the strength I needed to put one foot in front the other. Leroy was my rock.
He encouraged me to keep going, even with the simple things like attending
church and fulfilling my calling. He led by example, and I found great strength
observing him.
Over time I came to
humble myself and I stopped asking, “Why?”
This
was a huge trial for our family, but I now realize it is in our trials where we
truly see and feel the love of our Saviour, Jesus
Christ.
Through prayer and
fasting, our tragedy was turned into a blessing of faith and testimony.
I had been taught the
plan of salvation at a young age, and I believed it was true. But through this
trial I have gained a strong, immovable testimony and a deep love for the
Saviour and His plan of happiness.
We were overseas when
we lost our daughter. The heartache of having to bury her so far away from home
was enormous. Yet the covenants Leroy and I had made in the temple when we were
sealed became sweeter to me than they’d ever been. I felt that even though her
body was far away, we are an eternal family. Keeping our covenants means death
cannot separate us forever.
Six months after
losing our baby, we were blessed to learn I was pregnant again. Our daughter is
now a one-year old toddler and she’s a constant source of joy in our lives.
I believe that if we
continue to live the gospel of Jesus Christ and stay on the covenant path, that
we will be reunited with our baby girl, whom we named Pearl Suvania Sina-Lewa
Toleafoa.
There is so much joy
and peace that comes from knowing families are eternal.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2019/02/nzl-eng-local-pages/local-news-003?lang=eng
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